Are You a People Pleaser?

People-Please, much? We like making others feel happy and important. That's cute and all until it comes at your expense. What drives us to people-please? I suppose there are a number of reasons. The first that comes to mind is validation.

Like many of you, folks ask me to do stuff all of the time. I don't mean my college son asking for $37 for his hip hop dance team dues. I mean agreeing to attend events, sit on panels, serve on committees, and other stuff when I don't have the time or energy to do so. It's challenging for me to say "no" to someone when I believe in their cause. At first, receiving those requests feels goooooood! I feel validated! In need of validation, I say "yes" to just about everything. Am I always free? Nope. Do I have to alter my work schedule. Probably. Will this take away from family time. You bet. But, I push through like a champ... until I can't push anymore.

Needless to say, that's when the burnout comes. I feel exhausted. I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes physically drained. But you know what? I tell myself it's worth it to please others. They get what they want, sometimes more, and I look like the hero. What in the Yankee Doodle Dandy kind of crap is that? Is the "validation" from others worth it? I can say with confidence that I'm all that and a bowl of grits, but why can't my internal validation suffice? I don't know the answer, but, just like you, I'm working on it.

Be well,

Dr. B

1o Signs You're a People-Pleaser by Amy Morin

Shhhhhhhh!

Sometimes, I get so excited about a big idea or the possibility of a new opportunity that I want to shout it to the world! Who doesn't love good news, right? Everyone loves good news...just not always YOUR good news.

I have never bought into the concept of "haters." Quite frankly, I can't stand the term. Why would someone use their time, energy, and resources to be all up in my business? I do not, I repeat, do not believe there are people out there wishing me ill will. I do, however, believe no one will have the same passion for me as me. I understand that sometimes it's best to keep certain things to myself. My recent focus has been on making things happen without an audience. I have found this to be the best route for me because, honestly, some things just don't pan out. Sometimes I change my mind. I may alter my timeline. The last thing I need is someone not as invested in my future as I am looking over my shoulder and providing unsolicited advice. All the more reason to keep things under wraps until it's an accomplishment and not just a plan.

I love the analogy this week's article by Christina Daniels uses to explain this concept of moving in silence. If you have a safe with 5 million dollars in it, who do you trust with the access code? That's deep, y'all.

Work hard in silence, let your success make the noise.” – Frank Ocean

5 Steps on How to Move in Silence

PLEASE NOTE: I don't know Ms. Daniels, her skills, or her work ethic. I am in no way endorsing her. I'm sharing because it's a darn good article!

Audi 5000

I love me some LL Cool J. The way old dude licks his lips is like...like... something magical! Since my husband reads my blogs, let me add that LL's juicy lips and big brown eyes aren't half as sexy as my hubby's (Love you, bae!)

Did you notice the title of this blog? According to urban folklore, it's a phrase coined by LL. It means "Outtah here!" Sometimes you've just got to go. Have you ever outgrown anything? Not like your business attire because of pandemic pounds. I mean friendships.

We can be loyal to a fault. Why do we maintain relationships that no longer serve us? You can love a person to pieces, but if they no longer fit your goals or cause chaos to your spirit, let them go. How can you thrive with folks holding you back? I'm not saying you should cut ties with your friends just because you see things differently. They're friends, not clones. I'm talking about the ones who discourage or belittle you. I'm talking about the ones who only want to club, but you are no longer a clubber. I'm talking about the ones who tell you starting your own business is a waste of time. I'm talking about the ones who tell you you're crazy for not wanting to get married or have kids. Y'all know who I'm talking about. You can probably picture their faces right now. Girl, bye.

Let go of any relationship that contradicts where you are or where you are going. As the rapper, not as sexy as my husband, says "Audi 5000."

Outgrowing Friendships: 6 Signs You've Outgrown Your Friendship