People-Please, much? We like making others feel happy and important. That's cute and all until it comes at your expense. What drives us to people-please? I suppose there are a number of reasons. The first that comes to mind is validation.
Like many of you, folks ask me to do stuff all of the time. I don't mean my college son asking for $37 for his hip hop dance team dues. I mean agreeing to attend events, sit on panels, serve on committees, and other stuff when I don't have the time or energy to do so. It's challenging for me to say "no" to someone when I believe in their cause. At first, receiving those requests feels goooooood! I feel validated! In need of validation, I say "yes" to just about everything. Am I always free? Nope. Do I have to alter my work schedule. Probably. Will this take away from family time. You bet. But, I push through like a champ... until I can't push anymore.
Needless to say, that's when the burnout comes. I feel exhausted. I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes physically drained. But you know what? I tell myself it's worth it to please others. They get what they want, sometimes more, and I look like the hero. What in the Yankee Doodle Dandy kind of crap is that? Is the "validation" from others worth it? I can say with confidence that I'm all that and a bowl of grits, but why can't my internal validation suffice? I don't know the answer, but, just like you, I'm working on it.
Be well,
Dr. B
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