People-Please, much? We like making others feel happy and important. That's cute and all until it comes at your expense. What drives us to people-please? I suppose there are a number of reasons. The first that comes to mind is validation.
Like many of you, folks ask me to do stuff all of the time. I don't mean my college son asking for $37 for his hip hop dance team dues. I mean agreeing to attend events, sit on panels, serve on committees, and other stuff when I don't have the time or energy to do so. It's challenging for me to say "no" to someone when I believe in their cause. At first, receiving those requests feels goooooood! I feel validated! In need of validation, I say "yes" to just about everything. Am I always free? Nope. Do I have to alter my work schedule. Probably. Will this take away from family time. You bet. But, I push through like a champ... until I can't push anymore.
Needless to say, that's when the burnout comes. I feel exhausted. I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes physically drained. But you know what? I tell myself it's worth it to please others. They get what they want, sometimes more, and I look like the hero. What in the Yankee Doodle Dandy kind of crap is that? Is the "validation" from others worth it? I can say with confidence that I'm all that and a bowl of grits, but why can't my internal validation suffice? I don't know the answer, but, just like you, I'm working on it.
Be well,
Dr. B
(Big shout out to all of the organizations that gave me gifts! As I type, I'm wearing my moisturizing socks, sipping my tea and honey out of my Starbucks mug, with an aromatherapy candle nearby. Oh, and I'm hitting up Home Goods with this gift card as soon as I get off!)
