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  • Writer's pictureDr. B

I tell my clients "You should learn something everyday." It can be as simple as a new joke. Well, I'm flipping. Kinda sorta. Sometimes we need to UNLEARN things. If you're anything like me, you've picked up a bad habit or two along the way. I don't mean smokin' and drankin' (no judgement.) I mean habits that negatively affect my mental health. I used to think I needed everyone's approval. Bump that. That thought has been "unlearnted." But I am still working on unlearning that "time heals all wounds." 19 years ago, I lost my momma. I'm still hurt (and sometimes straight up pissed) and that's ok. Telling myself "Well, at least you had her for 29 years" is a bunch of malarkey. I don't have to try to make myself feel better. I can just...feel. Time DOES NOT heal all wounds. I'm living proof.

This week, let's learn to unlearn. Let's let go of those unrealistic expectations and standards that leave us feeling like poop. In this week's article, Martha Beck breaks things down for us. This will be a great kickoff to unlearn what I have learned. Wanna unlearn with me?


I'm 48 and just got my first (and likely last) tattoo. I've already discussed this with my FOCAL POINT village. If you're a member, you already know the story! If you're not a member of my new, exclusive FOCAL POINT group, try to keep up!

I'm a creature of habit. I always order strawberry snowballs. I wear the same perfume everyday. My nails are always painted with #181. When my sister calls, I answer the phone the same silly way (she cracks up every time!) I like knowing what's coming. I like being prepared. I prefer predictability. While this has been a comfortable groove, I felt like I was always playing it too safe. Like bubble wrap safe. Was my life just that phenomenal or was I afraid of something? I suppose I was afraid of messing up. If I broke my flow, what the heck was gonna happen? Would I melt? It was a possibility, you know. Soooooo, I started doing things outside of my comfy spot. I started speaking up more and explaining less. I danced in a country music video! I got inked! It was an adjustment for me and caught many of my family and friends off guard. "Harpo, who dis woman?"

We all have a comfort zone. It's where we feel safe, protected, and in control. Sometimes, you have to take a step back and really ask yourself "Why am I playing it bubble wrap safe?" Are you afraid of failure? So what! Dip your toe in the water and see what happens. Let me know when you finally dive in!

  • Writer's pictureDr. B

Yesterday, I could not get this one song out of my head! It was "Get Into It (Yuh)" by Doja Cat. Mind you, I can't understand 95% of what this chic is saying, but that song stuck. I was singing (making up my own lyrics of course) this freakin' song all dang dong day. It didn't matter what I did, I could not shake it. "They say I just got a buck! Get into it, yuh!"

Ever have a thought get stuck in your head that you just can't seem to shake? Our minds are constantly at work whether we realize it or not. Sometimes, it's just weird or annoying (like that Doja Cat jam), but it can be much more serious. Thinking about something more than once may not be a big deal, but constantly having the same thoughts over and over again can be draining. Mind you, these intrusive thoughts are likely some junk that makes you feel like crap. Whether the thoughts are true or not, they can be toxic. They tell you you're worthless, useless, hopeless, helpless, unlovable, alone, and not worthy of being on this earth. It's like you're serving a life sentence without any chance of parole. It's like you're stuck in a black hole with no potential for escape. It's almost impossible to go about your day with intrusive thoughts holding you captive. Sounds exhausting, right? It can be some really scary stuff.

I want you to know more about what intrusive thoughts are and how to face them head on. This week's article is a great place to start, but if this sounds like something you're dealing with, don't go about it alone. Find a therapist who can help you work through this. You can read all the articles and blogs in the world, but ain't nothing like a good ole trained professional guiding you through the process.

P.S. Go to to find a trained professional in your area. You can filter by location, specialty, gender, ethnicity, faith, sexuality, price, and accepted insurance. If you prefer the guidance of an African-American therapist, check out

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